It is hard for me to tell you this. I am not just this little girl anymore. Instead, I'm a woman now. I've been hiding this pain inside of me for so long now that when I think of you, I break apart. I don't want to love you. I need you to love me again. I cannot see myself without you even though I truly know it is the end. "Wo Ai Ni," I can say to myself when I am alone. I do not speak Japanese in front of you, knowing that if I do, you'll never understand the hatred I feel against you. But I love you. Secretly. And you left. You left me! You're Stargirl, as Jerry Spinelli would say. You were my Leo; I was your Stargirl. You do not see the pain you've caused me. You do not see that little girl now. You see the grown up in this broken body. The one who tries to find that purity of happiness she once had when she was with you... But you took it. You're dead to me. I miss you. I hate you. I love you. I miss you so much! Why! Why did you go? You left the only star in the sky to fall upon this earth, shatter the atmosphere as you fell, and caused another star to fall in love with you! You make it hard to love you. I do not want to love you but I do... "Wo Ai Ni," I can now say. 'I Love you' in Japanese... You never really wanted to hear me say those words. You aren't truly dead... it just feels like it. You aren't here anymore to lay in my bed. I can't remember your touch... your face. I forgot how you acted, how you laughed. How you were... I don't get you. You took my virginty, you took it away. I loved having you there, gazing into my eyes. They seemed to smile... But when I do get to see you... they fill with an endless regret. They seem to talk to me, your eyes. "It was just one night." One night... one night that changed me. Two weeks of seeing you at my house. A year where you gave me your heart. I had already given you my heart but you didn't seem to notice that I did. But you broke me. You tore my heart apart... you ripped the thread that sewn it together (I was broken before you) and tossed the remains in the closest trash bin and left me... For my best friend. You came to me one day and handed me a used condom. I remember it so clearly. "I used it on Penny," you said and turned. You didn't even say goodbye. You had just taken a part of me with you that one day. The day you broke me... the day you two broke me. Brandon... that one beautiful name... Brandon. It makes my tongue tingle. I love to say that name! But I hate it because you own it. And you don't seem to care that you did this horrible thing to me. I love you. But I don't.